Sean is now 15 months old, and an accomplished baby model. Sometimes, Jess models with him; I think it's great that those two beautiful people make magazine ads look wonderful together, though Sean has no concept of what's actually going on while they're shooting ads/commercials. When I see the finished product, it's hard to believe that I have a blood relation to such perfect looking people. It's been really amazing to watch him grow and change over the past 6-9 months. He's become such a little person, as opposed to the baby that he used to be. He knows exactly what he does and doesn't like, who he wants to be around, and what he wants to put in his mouth. I guess the most amazing thing for me is how masculine he is. Having had four daughters, I never realized that there would be a difference at this young of an age...but it's huge! He's so much different than any of the girls that he might as well be a different species, instead of just gender. He's truly amusing, and I see that the relationship between a mother and her son is very much different than a mother and her daughter. I always saw the way the girls were different with their dad than with me...and Sean is definitely a mommy's boy for now. He loves his daddy, but he always wants to be around mommy..... I knew I missed something by not having a son....I'm hoping to have something similar with my grandson. Of course, it's not the same thing...but it's the best I'm gonna get!
Sunday, February 12, 2012
A Whole Year Later
It's been over a year since my last post, and so much has happened that I doubt I'll ever catch up. I'm not even sure where to begin.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Grandma's Here
After all my postulating, I'm finding that I love being a "grandma". I was so concerned with getting old, but Sean coming into the world didn't make me any older....I'm the same age as people I know just having babies of their own! ( I wouldn't trade places with them for the world, by the way)....I love the fact that my girls are all young women now....a few more months, and even the youngest will be legal to vote and fight for her country. It's almost astounding to me that just shy of 25 years have passed since I gave birth to a 6lb, 11oz baby girl, just 8 days into my 22nd year.....she's now the mother of a beautiful baby boy-the first in two generations on my side of the family.
Watching your daughter become a mother is an awe-inspiring event.....and it gives new meaning to the word "appreciation". I can now appreciate not only my daughter for the transformation she's been through in the past year, but motherhood in general, as I'm now getting to watch it from an objective perspective. As the "non-parent" who has a stake in watching "Baby Sean" grow into a healthy, well adjusted, and happy young man, I am already seeing all kinds of things about being a mother that I never noticed when I was doing them. Watching the way my daughter cares for his every need (Dad is wonderful, too, but this isn't about him.....not today) has really made me understand that mothers are responsible for so much more than I think they ever realize (or they probably would never do the job)!!
I have learned so much in such a short time....the pregnancy was easy (especially for me, though I'm the worrier in the family) for her....no morning sickness, no indigestion, and no false labor. She did have to be induced, and then had an emergency c-section, none of which sat well with me, but I've learned to mind my own business on such things...after all, she's a married woman who makes decisions with her husband, not her mother....sure, she talks to me about girl stuff, but I no longer get to make decisions with her. She's moved beyond that stage of life.....
This trying to figure out what my role is in a world where my children aren't children anymore is tough....but I'm doing the best I can to not step on toes, or open my mouth before my brain is fully engaged. It's difficult, at best, but I'm really trying....I'll keep you posted on how I'm doing~
Watching your daughter become a mother is an awe-inspiring event.....and it gives new meaning to the word "appreciation". I can now appreciate not only my daughter for the transformation she's been through in the past year, but motherhood in general, as I'm now getting to watch it from an objective perspective. As the "non-parent" who has a stake in watching "Baby Sean" grow into a healthy, well adjusted, and happy young man, I am already seeing all kinds of things about being a mother that I never noticed when I was doing them. Watching the way my daughter cares for his every need (Dad is wonderful, too, but this isn't about him.....not today) has really made me understand that mothers are responsible for so much more than I think they ever realize (or they probably would never do the job)!!
I have learned so much in such a short time....the pregnancy was easy (especially for me, though I'm the worrier in the family) for her....no morning sickness, no indigestion, and no false labor. She did have to be induced, and then had an emergency c-section, none of which sat well with me, but I've learned to mind my own business on such things...after all, she's a married woman who makes decisions with her husband, not her mother....sure, she talks to me about girl stuff, but I no longer get to make decisions with her. She's moved beyond that stage of life.....
This trying to figure out what my role is in a world where my children aren't children anymore is tough....but I'm doing the best I can to not step on toes, or open my mouth before my brain is fully engaged. It's difficult, at best, but I'm really trying....I'll keep you posted on how I'm doing~
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Fishkill Baptist Church
When I became a Christian, back in 1995, I was visiting one of my very dearest friends out in the San Diego area. I went to church with her, and I heard the message of salvation for the very first time. It was so overwhelmingly appealing to me, that I walked forward to be saved by Jesus Christ. I bought my very first bible, and read the New Testament from cover to cover almost immediately. It made so much sense to me, having been raised as a Jew, that we had really missed the boat on this one....and I reveled in my new-found faith.
I started looking for a church from the minute I returned to New York....I started with the ones closest to where I lived....I went to Hopewell Reformed, which was very pleasant, and probably my second choice of the twenty or so churches I visited prior to going to Fishkill Baptist. I was looking for a bible-based church first, and foremost. I wasn't particularly set on any specific denomination, and to this day I consider myself a bible believing Christian as opposed to being a Baptist (or Methodist, etc.).
I had an appointment to meet with most of the pastors of the churches I visited, and FBC was no different. The big difference was that while inside the outer doors, I finally found what I had been waiting for at all of the churches I "tried on". I found the feeling of the presence of the Holy Spirit-and I wasn't even totally inside the building!! This was the place for me, and although I spend two hours talking with Pastor Bob, I already knew that I belonged here. I attended for almost a year before I joined as a member, and was baptized there in July of 1997. My feelings for this place go far beyond what one feels about a building.
The Holy Spirit still surrounds FBC, despite the challenges that we, as a church family, have faced. I don't know if I believe it has made us stronger, but we have made it this far, and many of us are still here. If some people are struggling with scars that have developed in the interim, that is just the way it is....but they keep coming.....that's what should be noted. When there is a loss, of course people will grieve in their own way......that doesn't mean that they have defected, disowned, or turned their backs in any way on the rest of their family. Not acknowledging the loss is no less wrong than voicing an opinion of how the loss has affected those we love. But the truth is, that we are still a family....all of us still in it together.
I am a bit incensed that anyone would accuse me of trashing or bashing my church. While I have had my own moments of insecurity, and even stopped attending for reasons that had nothing to do with the church, and everything to do with the demons in my own head, I have never said anything against my church. Have I been happy about the way everything that has happened went?? No, I haven't. But I haven't bashed anyone, or anything- and for someone to read anything on my blog, and take that as the outcome, I must recommend a course in English comprehension. I can pay tribute to two people who have had significant impact on my life as a struggling Christian, and who directly affected my ability to cope with the issues that haunted me. I can miss their presence at my chosen place of worship, and I can remember how much better I felt when I felt that someone was there who could lead me the way I needed to be lead, and the way many others have expressed to me that they also felt was lacking for quite a while in our "home". That doesn't mean that any of us are running away from "home" or looking to go somewhere else....we do feel scared about the lack of pastor ship, but we are clinging to each other, and to the belief that we are Spirit-led, which must mean that we will again have a pastor to tend to the flocks. The deacons (and deaconesses) are doing their best, and the worship team adds all they can, but that doesn't take the place of a pastor. It helps....
The announcement of the candidacy of Pastor Howard Lawlor was of great hope to so many of us who really enjoyed his visit back in January. He was direct, clear-spoken, and quite possibly one of the best speakers we've been treated to in a great while. The search committee for Senior Pastor had/has a huge responsibility on their hands, and nobody is suggesting that they aren't doing a great job of finding the best possible man for the job. I had, however, heard many people wonder why Pastor Bob didn't stay until they'd found a replacement. That made me angry, as I was aware that he had offered to do that very thing, but was turned down. My anger is not in what decisions are made by the leaders of the church.....but in the fact that many of the people that I care about were in total darkness about someone they thought they knew, and couldn't understand why he had suddenly changed. So I guess if I think anything was really done wrong, it was in not letting the congregation know that the offer was made and rejected. We, as the congregants of the church, have to trust in the decisions of those we have elected to represent us. Keeping us informed is a courtesy that most of us just took for granted.......my sole purpose was to let Pastor Bob know that I, personally, knew that he hadn't abandoned us. While many might not understand the importance of this, you also probably don't know that I have abandonment issues, which both Bob and Linda have tried to help me get past. So for me, the idea that he simply left us there to figure it out on our own was a blow that was almost too much to bear. When I found out that others also believed this to be the case, I realized that I needed to find out why.....since that wasn't the case, I thought that it might be just as important to others to know that they hadn't been abandoned by their spiritual leader as they'd thought. If it affected me so poorly, perhaps it did the same to others. Anyone who was receiving Linda's newsletter was given a link to the site, and I am certainly guilty of posting something to let them know that we know they didn't leave us in our time of need.
Lifting up one person doesn't necessarily mean putting down someone else. Whoever had the idea that I am/was church bashing FBC couldn't be further from the truth. I count on FBC for a great many things....for my friends, for my daughter's newly found faith, for the youth ministries, and for the people there who care about me, and about whom I care about. We keep each other up in time of need....many people, some of whom I don't even know, prayed for me through surgical procedures, and prayed for my mother, who I doubt anyone knows, through her two week hospitalization from spinal surgery. I could give countless examples of what I get from the members and the structure of FBC; I have not one desire to trash either the church as a body, nor anyone associated with the church. I often wish that people understood me better, and this would be a classic example of being misunderstood yet again. My church is my safe haven, my place where I find peace. It is where I go to worship, and for fellowship. How could it be a place I despise, or even dislike? Why would I have brought my own child to a place I felt so badly about? Or have brought my co-worker there for her to worship with her family? It makes no sense at all.
I hope that anyone who has nothing better to do than read my blog posts decides not to interpret for themselves what I am thinking.....I have never blasphemed my church-to anyone.
I started looking for a church from the minute I returned to New York....I started with the ones closest to where I lived....I went to Hopewell Reformed, which was very pleasant, and probably my second choice of the twenty or so churches I visited prior to going to Fishkill Baptist. I was looking for a bible-based church first, and foremost. I wasn't particularly set on any specific denomination, and to this day I consider myself a bible believing Christian as opposed to being a Baptist (or Methodist, etc.).
I had an appointment to meet with most of the pastors of the churches I visited, and FBC was no different. The big difference was that while inside the outer doors, I finally found what I had been waiting for at all of the churches I "tried on". I found the feeling of the presence of the Holy Spirit-and I wasn't even totally inside the building!! This was the place for me, and although I spend two hours talking with Pastor Bob, I already knew that I belonged here. I attended for almost a year before I joined as a member, and was baptized there in July of 1997. My feelings for this place go far beyond what one feels about a building.
The Holy Spirit still surrounds FBC, despite the challenges that we, as a church family, have faced. I don't know if I believe it has made us stronger, but we have made it this far, and many of us are still here. If some people are struggling with scars that have developed in the interim, that is just the way it is....but they keep coming.....that's what should be noted. When there is a loss, of course people will grieve in their own way......that doesn't mean that they have defected, disowned, or turned their backs in any way on the rest of their family. Not acknowledging the loss is no less wrong than voicing an opinion of how the loss has affected those we love. But the truth is, that we are still a family....all of us still in it together.
I am a bit incensed that anyone would accuse me of trashing or bashing my church. While I have had my own moments of insecurity, and even stopped attending for reasons that had nothing to do with the church, and everything to do with the demons in my own head, I have never said anything against my church. Have I been happy about the way everything that has happened went?? No, I haven't. But I haven't bashed anyone, or anything- and for someone to read anything on my blog, and take that as the outcome, I must recommend a course in English comprehension. I can pay tribute to two people who have had significant impact on my life as a struggling Christian, and who directly affected my ability to cope with the issues that haunted me. I can miss their presence at my chosen place of worship, and I can remember how much better I felt when I felt that someone was there who could lead me the way I needed to be lead, and the way many others have expressed to me that they also felt was lacking for quite a while in our "home". That doesn't mean that any of us are running away from "home" or looking to go somewhere else....we do feel scared about the lack of pastor ship, but we are clinging to each other, and to the belief that we are Spirit-led, which must mean that we will again have a pastor to tend to the flocks. The deacons (and deaconesses) are doing their best, and the worship team adds all they can, but that doesn't take the place of a pastor. It helps....
The announcement of the candidacy of Pastor Howard Lawlor was of great hope to so many of us who really enjoyed his visit back in January. He was direct, clear-spoken, and quite possibly one of the best speakers we've been treated to in a great while. The search committee for Senior Pastor had/has a huge responsibility on their hands, and nobody is suggesting that they aren't doing a great job of finding the best possible man for the job. I had, however, heard many people wonder why Pastor Bob didn't stay until they'd found a replacement. That made me angry, as I was aware that he had offered to do that very thing, but was turned down. My anger is not in what decisions are made by the leaders of the church.....but in the fact that many of the people that I care about were in total darkness about someone they thought they knew, and couldn't understand why he had suddenly changed. So I guess if I think anything was really done wrong, it was in not letting the congregation know that the offer was made and rejected. We, as the congregants of the church, have to trust in the decisions of those we have elected to represent us. Keeping us informed is a courtesy that most of us just took for granted.......my sole purpose was to let Pastor Bob know that I, personally, knew that he hadn't abandoned us. While many might not understand the importance of this, you also probably don't know that I have abandonment issues, which both Bob and Linda have tried to help me get past. So for me, the idea that he simply left us there to figure it out on our own was a blow that was almost too much to bear. When I found out that others also believed this to be the case, I realized that I needed to find out why.....since that wasn't the case, I thought that it might be just as important to others to know that they hadn't been abandoned by their spiritual leader as they'd thought. If it affected me so poorly, perhaps it did the same to others. Anyone who was receiving Linda's newsletter was given a link to the site, and I am certainly guilty of posting something to let them know that we know they didn't leave us in our time of need.
Lifting up one person doesn't necessarily mean putting down someone else. Whoever had the idea that I am/was church bashing FBC couldn't be further from the truth. I count on FBC for a great many things....for my friends, for my daughter's newly found faith, for the youth ministries, and for the people there who care about me, and about whom I care about. We keep each other up in time of need....many people, some of whom I don't even know, prayed for me through surgical procedures, and prayed for my mother, who I doubt anyone knows, through her two week hospitalization from spinal surgery. I could give countless examples of what I get from the members and the structure of FBC; I have not one desire to trash either the church as a body, nor anyone associated with the church. I often wish that people understood me better, and this would be a classic example of being misunderstood yet again. My church is my safe haven, my place where I find peace. It is where I go to worship, and for fellowship. How could it be a place I despise, or even dislike? Why would I have brought my own child to a place I felt so badly about? Or have brought my co-worker there for her to worship with her family? It makes no sense at all.
I hope that anyone who has nothing better to do than read my blog posts decides not to interpret for themselves what I am thinking.....I have never blasphemed my church-to anyone.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
I was deeply saddened to hear of the passing of Lisa Lee. Although I didn't know her personally, I have heard so very much about her in the past year since I've been back at FBC, that I feel that I do know her through the people we have in common. Rarely have I heard of anyone described with more grace, strength, fortitude, and pure faith in the Lord than I have heard of Lisa. Despite all that she was going through, and I went to her daughter's website, as well as read the very detailed obit in the Poughkeepsie Journal, she kept her dignity and faith as strong as had she been healthy. I can't even imagine how difficult it must have been to not only deal with MS, but also to deal with the MS causing the cancer and other complications to be more severe than any would have been on their own. Just last week in church, they spoke so optimistically about how she was doing, and that she was home, and seemed to be on a positive slope. I was rather shocked to sign into Creekside and see a memorial to her.....I have a stomach virus, and didn't go to church on Sunday 3/2/08, so I didn't already know. So why do I feel a loss for a woman I've never met?? Most likely, it's because I have heard so many positive things about the grace with which she dealt with this ordeal, and would have been honored to have met this most wonderful woman of God. I am grateful that she is finally not in pain, and is with the Lord in Heaven, and I send my most heartfelt regrets to her husband and daughters, as well as the rest of the extended family. I must believe that when the initial shock wears off, most people would probably be grateful that someone they love so much is no longer suffering, and is finally free from pain. As Christians. they have the added comfort of knowing that she is with the Father and Lord Jesus, and that she couldn't possibly be in better hands. That day may not be today or tomorrow....but someday, I hope that the grief is lifted, and that they can rejoice that she is with the other angels. And someday, they will all be reunited in Christ Jesus, as has been promised to us.......may they find comfort from the many friends that they have-I am aware they there are many people who love Lisa and her family right there at Fishkill Baptist, people who cared enough to ensure that she had visitors when she was up to it, and also made sure that Sam had dinner prepared for him when he was finally home-between working and going to the hospital. There are many left behind that love both Lisa and her family, and I am grateful that they won't grieve alone. Lisa is now fine....she will suffer no longer...it's the one's left behind that I'm a bit worried about. Though they have each other, I hope those left behind will find comfort in each other, but mostly, that they will find comfort in the Lord....
God Bless Sam Lee, his family, and their friends................
God Bless Sam Lee, his family, and their friends................
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
The First Visit
I was so very happy that I found Creekside Ministries had created a space for us all to meet together and praise the Father and Lord Jesus Christ for all they have done in our lives. Pastor Bob has been so very sorely missed, and the subsequent loss of Linda Stoll has made life at FBC quite challenging. Sheep need to be shepherded....and there are many who feel the loss with the same, or similar grief as myself......being told that we need to stand together is hardly consoling.....if not for the ever-presence of Evelyn (and I really believe she was heaven sent to us), I don't know where I would be right now. I still feel angry at the way things went.....and will probably never understand how not having any pastor is preferable to one who doesn't follow the political agenda of the powerful board. I do know that Pastor Bob did NOT abandon us in our time of need......we were betrayed from within.....but I, myself, sure do miss your presence- both at church and in my life. I am grateful, and regularly praise God for giving me the grace to continue to attend church regularly, although the void is huge......I pray over the scriptures for the right path to take.....and the wisdom to follow.
Thanks for sending me the link.....you will probably never know the lifeline that you threw to me when I most needed it.....
With the utmost respect,
Amy
Thanks for sending me the link.....you will probably never know the lifeline that you threw to me when I most needed it.....
With the utmost respect,
Amy
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